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Dealing With the Doubters as a PANS Parent

Sep 26, 2022

The constant questioning and doubting of my instincts by doctors, family members and friends has been one of the worst experiences I have had as a PANS parent.

The comments in this graphic were word for word what I heard from doctors, family and friends when I was trying to find help for my PANS daughter. 

It was crushing to feel blamed and attacked when my child's health was in jeopardy. 

I was shocked and baffled by these reactions.

Worst of all, these comments caused me to doubt myself!  I began to wonder if something was wrong with my instincts?  This was truly the last thing I needed at such a terrifying time in my life.

I've always had a part of me that's been a fighter.  A part of me that is stubborn and tenacious.  That part of me wasn't willing to let go of my concerns about my daughter.  It literally made me sick inside to step back and not do anything for my daughter.

So just like many of you, a voice deep inside me said, "Whoa--wait a minute!  I am smart. I know my kid. I know what I am talking about! I'm not going to back down.  Whatever I need to do, I will do, regardless of the consequences." 

However, the "consequences" were quite unsettling, because I knew that many of the people making these comments wanted me to back down and would likely turn their back on me or attack me if I didn't back down.  Somehow, my pointing out my daughter's health issues threatened them on a deep level.

It was at that point that I decided to take a leap of faith.  I made a deliberate choice to stick to my values.  I was not willing to compromise truth or my daughter's well-being for the sake of their egos.  I had enough faith in the universe or something greater than myself to know that truth eventually wins out. 

I stood strong in my truth and I did get attacked and threatened. However, I held strong to my belief that a life well-lived was one that was lived on principle and truth. I would rather bear the attacks and "consequences" of losing these people than not do what I felt was the right thing.  After all, I felt that my daughter's life depended on it at that point.  

Because of my experiences, I've made it my mission to lend my faith to other PANS parents so that they don't feel quite as alone and frightened as I did in those early years.

 And I do think truth wins out.  My daughter (now 18) is coming out of this nightmare!

Wishing all you warrior PANS parents the best!