Revisiting Old Wounds as a PANS Parent

I saw a poem written by Nikita Gill that spoke to my heart.  It is beautifully written.  Check out the poem in her book called "These Are the Words: Fearless verse to find your voice".  

The poem is about the experience of revisiting old wounds, how painful it can be and how you wish your mind would stop revisiting those wounds. 

As I am recording my course, I am reflecting on the pain of being a PANS parents.  This has triggered old wounds.  Feelings and memories are coming to the surface. It's frustrating and inconvenient because I have things I need to get done!

However, resisting the feelings doesn't work. Instead, I have learned that I must surrender to the process.  Surrender does not mean acquiescence or giving up.  Instead, it means accepting the feelings, not fighting them and moving through them.  I have learned that when I do that, things begin to fall into place.  

I need to keep it simple and just allow the feelings to be.  This is hard for me because I like control.  I like the idea of things being squared away and tied up in a neat package.  I don't like messy.  I don't like it when the path is unclear.  

However, as a PANS parent, I have had to embark on a messy, unclear path in order to find a way out.  I have had to face my insecurities and take the deep dive into the unknown so that I could do what was important.

I know each one of you do this on a daily basis.  I am grateful that we can band together and help each other on this journey that we may not have chosen. 

Also, as I revisit these old wounds, I’m try to remember to practice self-compassion. I hope you do the same for yourself if you find yourself visiting old wounds.