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Your Best is Good Enough as a PANS Parent

parenting Oct 16, 2022
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I've had to remind myself that my best is good enough as a PANS parent lately.

We have been looking at colleges with my daughter (something I wasn't sure we would be able to do due to PANS).

She hasn't been that interested or motivated to look at schools.  Nothing has seemed to be a good fit (so far). 

That was the first trigger for my PANS parenting PTSD.  I started to get that familiar, gut-sinking feeling that once again, we don't fit into a "typical situation". 

I will admit it--I felt left out and angry that we couldn't participate in a "normal" experience.  Even after having worked on PANS healing for 18 years.

My daughter's friends, cousins and family friends are going through the college hunt process.  They are looking forward to making new friends and taking next steps towards their future.  

Without realizing it, I began to pressure my daughter about her applications and all the things that I thought a "normal" senior in high school would be doing.

Little by little, I caught glimmers of how my approach was taking a toll on her spirit.  I was beginning to make my daughter feel down on herself.  

I realized that I needed to take a step back, and check myself and my behavior. I had lost sight of my daughter, her needs and her best interests.

The truth is that my daughter is a really good artist.  That is part of the reason why we have been struggling to find a "next step" for her.

Not knowing what to do or how to help her with her path was my second PANS parenting PTSD trigger.  The college hunt process reminded me of how I couldn't find the right help, treatment or steps to help my PANS daughter when she was so sick over the years.

Gradually, I got my footing again and became aware of the fact that my daughter not fitting the stereotypical high school senior could actually a good thing! 

She is a smart, sensitive, kind, loving artist.  What better thing could one be?  How could I have been so blind to this?  

I began shifting my approach and embracing who she is instead of giving an unspoken message of "why can't you do this?"

I have some guilt about how I may have affected her these past few weeks.  However, I am also giving myself a break.  I am doing the best I can.  I am definitely not going to be a perfect PANS parent. 

Sometimes we need to hear that we are doing our best--and that’s good enough.  That is what I am telling myself these days and I hope that you will also give yourself that same love and care as a PANS parent. 💕